Tangled
by team-hybrid8
Summary: I'll love you forever, my Bella..what a joke! Twentyone years ago he had my heart and he threw it away. Again. Now Edward's back and he thinks he can just squeeze back into my life? Sorry, Eddie, but your life just got a lot more tangled. AU Post-BD.
1. If This Was A Movie

"**You would you would if this was a movie  
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out  
Come back come back come back to me like  
You could you could if you just said you're sorry  
I know that we can work it out somehow  
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now"**

**~Taylor Swift, "If This Was a Movie"**

I shifted my bag slightly as I stood in the elevator with my sister-in-law, Rosalie Hale. The woman next to me brushed up briefly against my bag and I felt a growl loom deep in my chest. I coughed. Loudly. The small woman jumped and pushed herself closer to the wall of the metal box. When her floor came she didn't hesitate on escaping. I laughed as the door slid close behind her.

"Bella, control yourself," Rosalie reminded me when we got out.

The smell hit me like a meteor. Swift and powerful I gripped my hand into a tight fist. I knew my face must have been one of pain, like Jasper when we first met. I no longer questioned how he could want to rip out my throat. As a tiny little man with greasy black hair passed by I wanted nothing more than to use my nails for an actual purpose. "Rose… Are you sure about this?" I muttered. "Do I really have to be here today?"

Rosalie sashayed through the building, thoroughly ignoring my pleas. _Bitch_, I thought and snickered. She subtly raised her eyebrows but other than that she did not stop her march to the freezer.

The Fairbanks Memorial Hospital was known for its long-care patients and tried to make its facilities as inviting and pleasant as possible. The cream colored walls and light stench of sterilization chemicals were a home for so many people, Bella tried to control her thirst. The last thing the people needed was to be seen as a buffet.

"Isabella, is that you dear?" A soft whimper came from a private room. I smiled and followed the voice. In her bed laid Mrs. Cope. Her dark brown hair and turned gray over the years and her sharp eyes and turned a pale, translucent blue. I took her hand in mine and stroked it softly with my thumb, careful to mind her paper thin skin. "Hello, Isabella. How are you doing today?"

A sob that would never come stuck in my throat. "I think I should be the one asking that question, Mrs. Cope. You are the one in care after all," I chuckled and pushed her hair out of her eyes so she could have a full opportunity to see me further. "How are you feeling?"

Mrs. Cope scrunched up her nose and shook her head firmly, "Don't you dare try stealing my question, Miss Swan! I asked you first!" She shook her head for extra good measure and pulled her hand back to her chest, I complied with her evident wants. "Now how is the baby?"

"She's good. Today she's going to be twenty-one. Can you believe it?" I gushed to my old school counselor. When the hospital had taken her in twelve years ago I was ecstatic to see someone familiar, outside my own new family.

"Really? She doesn't look a day over seventeen. See? I kept that picture you brought me of the two of you? It's right over there, dear. On the dresser? Do you see it?" she flung her arms in the direction of the small piece of furniture. Of course I saw it. It would have had to be miles away before it would be out of my sight.

Esme took the picture of the two of us on Renesmee's last birthday. We were sitting in a tree on the far side of the property. Renesmee had flung cake at the back of my head when I was turning to go upstairs. I retaliated. Probably feeding into her plan perfectly.

"_Mom! Mom! Uncle! Uncle!" Renesmee giggled as she tore out of the house. I grabbed two handfuls of cake and ran after her. Our giggles were loud enough for birds to hear us. The predatory stances of our runs sent the wildlife searching for safety._

_Emmett and Jasper followed at a lazy pace with their wives following suit. I smiled at my family briefly and sped up to catch my little girl._

"_You shouldn't have done that!" I laughed evilly and took a shot at the back of her head. She dived just in time and laughed again. "How in the hell?" _

"_Mom! Language!"_

_The property our house sat on was extensive, covering twenty acres. Renesmee could have run the whole thing easily and I would have never caught up. She may not look like it at first but she was faster than us all. Esme said it came from her father. I said it came from the devil because she was a pain to catch when it came to bedtime. Before I knew it, Renesmee was out of my sight completely. _There is no way I lost her that quickly_, I thought and took to looking behind me._

"_Where you headed, Mama?"_

_I looked up. The tree. The goddamn tree. Renesmee sat idly on the edge of a branch and smiled showing all of her teeth. I raced to the top before she could process what I was doing. It was a very sweet revenge. Our faces were both covered in icing when Esme took the picture. _

No matter how messy we were to Mrs. Cope we were still angels in disguise.

"That is a lovely spot for it. I will tell Renesmee where you put it, okay?" I tell the old woman and she beams with joy. Not long after our exchange she is in a deep sleep and a nurse is in the room to check her vitals. "She still hates those tests?" I ask the girl.

"Yes, ma'am. I can only check on her when she falls asleep like this. Doctor Cullen says that if I try to test her when she is awake she may freak out." The nurse moves around the bedside and checks the machines. "I don't know why she is so afraid…you'd think after so many years she would have gotten used to it…"

"Well I'm no mind reader but I'd say she just doesn't want to admit she needs the tests."

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Rosalie was already elbow deep in the task at hand when I got to the freezer. "Got AB?" I asked as I started to sort through her bag. She nodded and handed me another bag. Full. "Sheesh, Rose! How much do we need?" She raised her eyebrows and I sighed. She was right. We needed a lot. "Fine…hand me the list."

We _tried_ to only take a small amount of the hospitals supply. It wasn't fair if we took too much, especially when they needed it so much more than we did. But, if we didn't take as much as we did I had no idea what the repercussion would be. Our family had spent way too much time dependent on this source of income. Way too much time for my liking. I remember when Edward first introduced me to his family. Vegetarians of a sort he claimed. Resisting the wine but appreciating the bouquet… or something equivalent to that sentiment. I would never be able to sound like I was from his time. It honestly used to bother me when I was younger but now I had my own style and in a few decades I would sound just as beautifully foreign. I couldn't wait.

Except I really could. Time moved too fast for my liking. An eternity seemed like forever before I actually had to endure it. Eternity seems like a lot less now. Especially when Renesmee's future is still so flimsy. Maybe we made a mistake halting our research on what she is. Half human…half human…completely special. My little bundle of love. Wow, isn't that cheesy? I'm glad Rose doesn't read minds. She would kick my ass if she knew I just thought that.

"Lost in wonderland again, Bells?" Rosalie joked as she flung the freezer close. In my moment of 'wonderland' she had managed to pack up most of our monthly supply. I smiled at her and led us out of the freezer.

"Want to go see Carlisle?" I ask my friend. She shrugs smiles at a group of young interns. Their jaws drop slightly and their cheeks flush red. "Be nice, Rosie, they _are_ only children," I laugh lightly and wave at one of the older boys. His reddish brown hair and hazel eyes sparked something within me, a feeling of protection. His smile quirked into a familiar crooked grin and I felt myself walking toward him.

"Hello, Ms. Cullen," the boy breathed shyly. I felt myself lean in to him slightly. He smelled wrong. All wrong. Too…human. The idea left me crestfallen and I felt my own self confidence waver. "Are you looking for Dr. Cullen?" His hazel eyes narrowed for an escape. I shook my head and smiled softly.

"Have a good day, Edward," I breathed and turned back to Rosalie who had been watching the conversation from the sidelines.

"It's Alan…" I heard the boy mumble from behind me.

Walking through the halls, Rosalie and I spoke very little except for her slight jibes on my 'crush on the human boy.' I ignored the best I could but still knew what she saw. I was attracted to him. I knew it was because of Edward. It was always because of Edward.

Carlisle's office was nestled in the back of the labyrinth, called the hospital. Esme hated that the hospital shoved her so far back but Carlisle had specifically asked for this room. The lack of windows caused Carlisle to be able to work in his office even on the sunniest days. We were all happy for him. The man we loved was finally able to share his compassion for the weaker no matter what the weather channel said. He had almost no limitations now. Even though his work now kept him away from home more we were pleased to see his satisfied smiling face whenever he came home for the weekend. When Rosalie and I got to his office we tapped lightly on the door frame. Within seconds we were greeted with our father.

"Good morning, girls. What do I owe the pleasure of your company?" Carlisle smiled at us and ushered us into his office, quietly shutting the door behind us.

"Today's Renesmee's birthday," I smiled and flung myself on to his couch. "We were wondering if we could steal you away for the party?"

"Of course, Bella, how could I miss my only granddaughters twenty first birthday?" Carlisle threw several documents into his briefcase and turned off his computer.

"Good, because if you did Esme would be the last of your worries," Rose said with a toothy grin.

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Twenty-one years ago life was created. Twenty-one years life was destroyed. Twenty-one years my heart was given a new reason to love. Renesmee.

When I was eighteen years old I married the love of my life, Edward Cullen. The wedding was fit for a princess and was everything I didn't know I wanted until I had it. At the end of the aisle awaited the man who promised to love me to not only 'till death do us part but for an eternity. We honeymooned on a breath taking island and gave ourselves not only emotionally but physically as well. I was nervous about what was to come after our time away because I knew it would be no time at all before I was finally beside Edward as an equal. No longer would our 'species' difference keep us apart. However, while on our stay I became alerted to my pregnancy. I was scared. Honestly, I was lost. I wanted to bury myself in the ground before I could keep moving. I needed time to cope. I needed time to understand. The only thing I didn't need time was to know that this baby would be blessed. This baby was something no one ever knew possible.

Renesmee did not disappoint.

Edward did not take the news well and that's putting it extremely lightly. He went into a vampiric shock and held himself away from me. As if his mere touch would break me. Ludicrous.

He wanted me to get rid of it. _It. The fetus._ Never the baby. He looked at me differently. I should have seen it coming. I should have understood him. Even now after twenty-one years I still can't comprehend.

"_Rosalie? I need your help," I gulped loudly into the phone. Edward was in the other room but as far as I could tell he wasn't listening to me._

"_What's wrong, Bella?" The Ice Queen's harsh disposition softened slightly at my words. Before I could tell her she spoke again, curious, "Is there someone there with you? A _human_?" I couldn't help but smile at her words._

"_Rosalie…I'm pregnant. Edward wants me to get rid of the baby. He keeps calling the baby an it! I'm scared. What should I do? Can you help me? I really need your help. Only you can understand what this feels like to me. He's everything I want and more…I just never knew how much I really wanted him!" I cried unabashedly into my sister-in-law's ear. A woman that a week ago I would have never spoken to her about such circumstances. We weren't as close as Alice and I. The difference was that Rosalie still held on to her human self and Alice could not remember any of it. She wouldn't be able to comprehend this mothering need I had just recently unearthed._

"_Bella…just calm down and listen to me: everything will be alright. Act like you are okay because you are okay, okay? I will deal with my brother when you land. Stay calm and think of baby names," Rosalie laughed slightly and pressed calmness over me. Everything would be okay._

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_Rosalie handled everything. She became my body guard. Protecting not only my little boy, but also me. We were becoming a family. _

"_Edward?" I called out from the porch of the Cullen Manor. Before my eyes could adjust I felt him near me. "Edward…" I crooned softly and closed my eyes. I felt my baby stir within me, content._

"_Bella," Edward called to me and my eyes sprung open._

"_Yes?" I willed my eyes to adjust but they just wouldn't. I had only my sense of hearing to rely on._

"_I lied, Bella."_

"_About what, Edward?" I looked blindly around for him with no avail._

"_I lied, Bella," he began again, "I can't do ''till death do us part,' I can't sit around and watch you die. You may not realize it, Rosalie," he snarled her name like an expletive. My stomach cringed at his tone. "Rosalie may not realize it but, that thing will kill you. I will not sit around waiting for you to die, Bella."_

"_You lied?" My eyes were thick with unshed tears. How could he do this again? He promised! Never again…never, ever again! Did I make it all up? Did I? My frantic thoughts caused my head to swim unnaturally._

"_Good bye, Bella."_

_And with that my husband, my reason for existing, was gone. I fell to the ground and felt a distinct pull in my stomach. "Carlisle!" I screamed loudly, subconsciously praying that Edward would turn around for me. Us. His family._

"_What's wrong, Bella?" Carlisle pulled me up from the ground and carried me into the house. My family surrounded me and I felt their cold hands touch my face as I fell into the darkness. _

_The final words of my human life were: "Save the baby. Edward's gone…forever."_

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_The awakening into my new life was a lot like what I imagined the awakening into my old life was: disorienting. So many colors! So many smells! So much…everything!_

_But nothing mattered._

_My reason for everything was gone…_

_Until…_

"_Bella? Do you want to meet Renesmee?" Rosalie smiled to me from the corner of the room. In her arms was a tiny bundle of pink wrapped around the most beautiful copper curls._

"_Just like your daddy, Renesmee. So beautiful…" Rosalie handed me a new reason to live. My baby girl._

"Bella! If you do not go and find that girl of yours I will just…" Alice threatened me again from her ladder. The pixie had been hanging birthday decorations all day and was getting more volatile as the time went on. I groaned and heaved myself off the floor, abandoning the horrible wrapping job I was doing on Renesmee's birthday gift.

"Fine, fine, Alice! I relent! Get your husband in here to wrap these gifts!"

"Mom?" a sweet, soft voice calls through the house.

"The birthday girl is home," I whisper too low for Renesmee to hear.

Finally, I think happily and stick out my tongue at Alice.

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**A/N: 11-30-10 Updated. Review for a teaser or just because you love to hit buttons ;)**


	2. Boring

"**Love of my life  
Bear your child  
Everything I've ever wanted  
Boring.**

Nothing thrills us  
Anymore  
No one kills us  
Anymore  
Life is such a chore  
When it's….  
Boring"

**The Pierces, "Boring"**

I sat on the edge of my cliff and considered. Would I survive the fall? Would it hurt? Would they cry? I sat there and considered. I don't know if it would hurt and if I would survive. But no one would cry. They couldn't.  
I lifted my arm up and pushed up the sleeve to expose more skin to the warm Alaskan sun. The dull sparkling spattered as I rotated my arm slowly.

"What's up, Disco Diva?" called a familiar voice from the foot of the cliff. I smiled and pulled down my sleeve. "No more light show, honey?" I looked down and was greeted with a brighter sparkle.

"Hey, Tanya! What are you doing down there?" I laughed and wished I could just hop down next to her. I'd have to run down the cliff to get to her safely.

"A better question is what are you doing up there, Diva? It's a bit high for you, isn't it?" Tanya called up. Her golden eyes flickered with mischief as she lunged at the side of the cliff and began her climb.

I pushed my bottom lip out in a pout and crossed my arms. "It isn't too high for me!" I narrowed my eyes at the direction of my house, "It's too high for Mom and Carlisle..."

Tanya's head appeared at the lip and she held out her hand. I grabbed it and pulled her up next to me. She smiled and wrapped her strawberry blonde hair into a tight bun. "Why so glum? Shouldn't you be ecstatic?" I groaned and wrapped my arms tighter to my chest. "Hey! Don't give me that shit. I'm not your mom. Talk to me," Tanya's voice softened, barely.

All at once my thoughts came aloud. How I was different from everyone. Not as strong as my family. Not as talented as my family. Just plain 'not' like anyone! Even the humans had some sense of normality! I had nothing. And now I'm destined to age, but not really, all alone in my ball of 'uniqueness' also known as freakish. By the time I was done with my rant I had crumbled bracelet Alice had given me for Christmas. Tanya chuckled at my lack of care for the artifact as I chucked it off the cliff not even bothering to salvage the ruby.

"I think I heard Alice growl from the house..." Tanya joked and wrapped a comforting arm around me. She squeezed my shoulder lightly, afraid to break the freak. "Now why do you think you're a freak? In case you hadn't noticed we are all freaks!" I opened my mouth to protest but my new mentor's eyes flashed dangerously. "We don't drink human blood. We sparkle in the geedee sunlight. We live forever. We bloody growl. We also have the ability to smell what someone ate two weeks after it's been digested!"

"But you can smell it better!" I protest angrily.

"Oh, yes, I am _so_ lucky I get to smell old human pizza! So _blessed!_" bitterly Tanya remarked.

"You know what I mean…" I grumbled.

"Yeah I know what you mean. But, I still think you are crazy. Besides, I know one thing that you are just as equal as the rest of us," Tanya paused, building the suspense. She was such a drama queen. Mom always said she was stuck up in her own fumes. "You are just as beautiful as the rest of us. If not more because you are so unique."

I hated that word. Unique. It was just a label for those who were different. We can tell the difference! Just because you make it sound nice does not mean it is actually nice! That word may even sting more than freak. It's like when people say 'no offense,' right before they completely offend you. Not that I have actually been offended. The bright side of being who I am means I have never had to interact with anyone that didn't drink the sweet nectar known as animal blood. I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the thought. I would never even begin to understand how my family could down the stuff like there was no tomorrow. Animal blood is vile! Being raised in a predominantly vegetarian household was a horrible nightmare. If it wasn't for Carlisle's job I would have probably switched back over to human food full time. At least then I could eat some carnivores, rare, and in a _real_ restaurant. Mom says it's too dangerous for me to be around other humans. Which really doesn't make sense since we have been in this life the same exact time and she goes to town all the time. Life is so unfair.

"Isn't today your birthday?" Tanya asks as she helps me up from the ground. Not that I need any help. She just likes to still treat me like a baby.

"Yeah," I grumble and begin my trek down the mountain. "Twenty-one today. Why do I even bother counting though? I will live forever anyways…"

Tanya's breath hitched slightly at my words.

She doesn't believe I can make it either.

No one ever believes I can live forever. That's why I told Mom and Carlisle to stop researching me like I had some disease. I just have this feeling that I am meant for something so much more. Something bigger than myself. How can I just not wake up one day when I know that I have something to do in my lifetime?

"How about this little girl, if I promise to show you how to make this existence worthwhile, will you stop with the 'woe is me' attitude? Your mom will be pissed if I bring you back in this teenager attitude. You may look like it but you are definitely not a teenager," Tanya looked thoughtful, "On second thought, I don't think you've ever been real teenager. You were born into some crazy shit and never had a chance to really grow into a smart ass. Well, at least not a vocal smart ass."

I smile and wish I could say half the stuff I think about on a daily basis. Tanya's, and everyone in my family, opinion would do a one-eighty. "Will we get arrested?" Mom told me to be skeptic around Tanya. Mom is prejudiced for some reason. Jasper told me it had to do with my father. I didn't ask questions. I shouldn't care about him if he didn't care enough to stick around. Esme says I shouldn't be so hard on him. Even Mom doesn't bad mouth him in front of me. Suspicion tells me that her spa days with Allie are filled with ranting over my dead beat dad. Ha-ha, dead…yeah, that was lame even in my head.

"Not unless you do it wrong. Which I really don't know how you could screw it up…but, I'll help you out, okay?"

"Fine, Tanya, should I tell my mom I'm going out with you tonight?"

Tanya hesitated, that's always a funny sight to see. It baffles me to see such a sure person hesitates around my _mom._ She doesn't even like going after mountain lions, they are too aggressive for her! "How about I talk to her?"

"Sure sure, Tanya. Whatever you say."

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I had Tanya run ahead of me on my journey home. I took the time to walk. Stop and smell the roses, you know?

Facts:

Today is my twenty-first birthday but I still like eighteen.

I am a half human half vampire freak. In both worlds.

I live with my father's family but not with my father.

I have never met my father.

Before today, it never really bothered that I had never met him.

How could he leave me without really knowing me?

Was he afraid? That I would be a bad daughter? That I was an abomination?

I shake my head angrily and try to push away these thoughts. He didn't know anything about me. He didn't really ditch me. He ditched Mom and his family. Maybe he had a reason…what am I thinking? No reason is good enough to leave your incredibly pregnant and _mortal_ _wife_ alone. You just don't do that. Not if you really have a conscience. Maybe he didn't have one. Maybe Mom was just another conquest…another distraction to spend eternity on and when he realized she would die for him he couldn't handle the pressure. I shake my head content with my discovery. That's it he was just another ass. A frozen cold, dead ass. Yep, that's my father. Nothing but an ass.

I push the front door open and call to my mother. I hear shuffling in the house and smile. My family tries so hard to be human they seem to forget how to be vampires sometime. "Mom?" I call again, following her smell through the house. Everyone in my family has a certain smell. Is that weird? I sniff my family? Well, as Tanya put it I'm not a freak and maybe they know what each other smells like too. Mom smells like strawberries and mint. "Anyone home?" I call again, now just playing around like you would playing a game with a small child. I look in each room quickly scanning for my family. Upon entering the kitchen I smell them all. It smells like home, love.

"Happy birthday!" they all cry happily from around the kitchen table. In the center is a three tier cake with butter cream icing. Alice smiles at me and sends me a silent question with her eyes. "Does the cake smell okay?" I nod slightly and reach out to hug all of them.

Mom approaches me first and throws her arms over my shoulders, no easy feat for a woman of her size. "Happy birthday, Renesmee. I love you so much!" she murmurs into my ear and I hug her tighter. No matter how tight I hug my family I won't ever be able to crush them. Perks of being a half vamp: won't crush your coven.

Alice and Jasper hand me a silver box and Alice vibrates in anticipation. Her spiky black hair swishes back and forth quickly. Jasper tries to calm her but is no match for the tiny pixie's joy. "Happy birthday, Renesmee! Open it! Open it!"

"Happy birthday, R.C," Jasper drawls with his old nickname for me. I smile happily at the reminder that no how old I get I have a family who's a lot older and has been dealing with this for decades. I rip open the package and pull out a necklace with a ruby pendant shaped like a heart. "Alice, saw you breaking the bracelet and knew you would miss carrying a ruby around." I smile appreciatively. I felt slightly bad about throwing away my old stone. I loved rubies and always had one on me. Mom started the tradition when I was born. I never heard the story why exactly she picked a ruby but I have a feeling it's an inside joke from before I was born.

"Thank you, Alice. Jasper, thank you. I do love it," I hug them both; Alice fits right under my arm so I have to lean down to hug her properly.

"Please, try to refrain from throwing it off a cliff, okay?" Alice laughs and pushes me toward Carlisle and Esme.

"I'll try," I laugh and hug Esme happily.

"Happy birthday, baby," Esme hugs me tight and I gag slightly. She pulls away and grins, "Too tight?" I nod and she shakes her head. "Sorry, I forget that I'm too strong, especially when I'm dealing with such a strong, beautiful young woman." Esme winks and hands me an envelope. I open it hastily and shriek when I see its contents. Tickets to see the new werewolf movie next weekend. The tickets went on sale at midnight and by 12:02 am they were completely sold out. Hey, I may be a vampire but I am a sucker for a good werewolf movie.

Carlisle rubs his ears ostentatiously and winks, "I guess us old guys did good this year?" I nod eagerly and pocket the tickets.

Esme mocks her husband and puts her hand on her hip, "What? I'm not old! I'm down with the kids!"

"Yeah, honey, you're 'da bomb!'" Carlisle winks at me and wraps his arm around Esme's waist. I look around the room and see Alice perched on Jasper's lap, Emmett and Rosalie laying on the couch, her head in his lap and his hand playing with a loose strand of her hair. All of them are so naturally in love it must have been strange without the other. Together they were whole and apart they must have been looking for a way to be whole. I look back at my mom and feel a pang of guilt, she's never had that…I think sadly. I doubt she could have had that with my ass of a father. If they were in love like that it would be a wonder why he wasn't here too, smiling at me and holding on to my mom for dear life.

"You okay, girl?" Rose asks me, suddenly at my side. I nod and hug her. Emmett and Rose had presented me with their gift last night: a new bike. It was yellow and Alice was helping my paint lighting bolts on the side in black. By the time it was done every vampire would be jealous of my hot new ride. Cars aren't fun, there is no sport or wind! Mom won't let me get a motorcycle but was totally game for my two wheeler without wheels.

My ears pricked up with the sound a gravel being crunched in the driveway…

"Alice?" Mom whispered and Alice started to shake violently. I leapt to her, to keep her grounded. Jasper kissed her on the forehead and whispered that everything would be alright. What would be alright? What's happening? What's going on? Why is no one answering!

A soft knock at the door was followed by a single velvet word, "Hello?"

I leaned toward the direction of the front door but was grabbed roughly around the waist by Rose. I tried to pull away but she held firm. I looked at my mom who had gone frozen. "Take her, Rose."

Without a second word Rose obeyed my mother and pulled me out of the house, flung me on her back and ran us into the one direction I had never gone: the town.

…

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…

**A/N: Updated 12-2-10. I wonder who's at the door. Don't you?**


	3. Misery

"**I'm gonna get you back  
Gonna get you back  
Your salty skin and how  
It mixes in with mine  
The way it feels to be  
Completely intertwined  
It's not that I didn't care  
It's that I didn't know  
It's not what I didn't feel,  
It's what I didn't show"**

**Maroon 5, "Misery"**

Edward's POV

I smiled lazily at the paper boy's departing figure and picked up the giant wad of paper. The front page screamed tragedy and pain Ah, I smiled wryly, after all these years the newspaper will never change.

"What's that?" a soft voice calls from inside my house. I ignore it and take a seat on the porch. "Edward?" the voice persists. A pair of arms wrapped over my shoulder and a head fell into the crook of my neck. "Newspaper?"

"Tessa, not now," I rotated away from her. "You know it's..." I ignore her hiss and flip through the paper. Death. Crime. Births. New town car wash. Ah, here we are: obituaries. Never had I before kept up with the lives of the people I had met but I just wondered how their lives would pan out in the later years. People say that who you are in high school doesn't always illuminate who you could be in the future. A total one-eighty is possible. My curiosity about my last class of high school brought me to Sunday newspaper every week. I flipped through the names and smiled; pleased that none of my 'friends' were listed as passed but sadly none were listed as doing anything noteworthy.

"Is anything good happening?" Tessa asked quietly from her chair. I smiled at her and shook my head.

My companions were not always female. I preferred to keep men around. They had less reminders of Her. Sadly, in this life males were more attracted to spending an eternity with a mate and I would not settle down with them or any of their new mate's friends. I had high standards since late. She had to have shiny, mahogany hair that cascaded past her shoulders. Deep, brown soulful eyes that made you want to give up everything just to see them shine. Even the scent of the woman had to be of a particular: strawberries and mint. Suffice to say, no one had even come close to my specifications and I had learned to stop looking.

Tessa was unlike Her in almost every physical way possibly. She had chopped blonde hair and light green eyes. Her skin was nicely tanned and her accent was tinged with the melting pot of Florida. I met her at a bar a few months ago and she was under the impression it was love at first sight. I knew for a fact it was lust at first sight. Tessa smiled teasingly and licked her lips.

"Isn't it a little early?" I laughed and walked over to her. She smelled like cinnamon and tangerines. Maybe someday a guy would find her as his equal in all parts. That guy would never be me and I never humored her on that fact.

"Eddie, it's never too early," Her eyes grew darker with lust and I winked.

"I have to head to town. Maybe later okay?" Tessa pouted and slid off her chair. I wrapped my arms over her shoulders and hugged her; she purred in satisfaction. "I take that as a yes then?" She nodded happily and snuggled closer. I released her slowly and smiled down at her. She was cute even I couldn't deny what many men before I saw in her. She was smart enough to know that I was different and smart enough to not question me about it. Tessa was also young enough to understand that what we had would not last. Smart, cute, and utterly all wrong for someone like me.

"I'm going to go for a jog then! If you see Dave at the deli let him know we still have his fondue pot, okay?" Tessa released me and headed back inside. As she was shutting the door her face saddened slightly, "We have dinner tonight with my parents, remember? So if you could pick up something for us to eat that would be swell." Damn, I was hoping she had forgotten they were supposed to be coming over. I was going to slip out tonight for a quick hunt and come back after they were gone. I really didn't want to bother with her parents. I knew everything I needed to know about them from her.

Mr. Smith was a suave businessman who worked most days of the week and on the weekends went either the gym or the country club to stare at all the women who couldn't have. Mrs. Smith spent her weeks reading manuscripts to either accept them and make some poor writer's dream come true or deny them and send them brief letters with her fake apologies and wishes for them to try again. On her weekends she would continue to breeze through her manuscripts and tan at the side of the pool; this caused most returned manuscripts to smell of coconut and have bits of oil smeared across the pages. Overall the Smiths, were your basic working family who tried their very hardest to remain a family by simply by spending no time together and in return doing nothing to upset the other.

Instead of telling my companion all of this I just nodded and hopped into my old car. Piece of shit compared to everything else on the road but it had sentimental value up the wang.

Over the past two decades I spent my time wandering around the globe. I wandered in the night and fed only when it was absolutely necessary. I kept my distance from my family and had even changed my name back to Masen. I felt slightly guilty about what my family must have gone through with my swift departure but it was truly for the best. They couldn't expect to sit around and just watch Her kill herself for an abomination. If I didn't take care of it, the Volturi surely would. A fetus like that was nothing but wicked in everyone's eyes, well, everyone expect Her and my greedy sister Rosalie. I should have never encouraged Emmett to talk Rose into talking to Her. That's where all the trouble started. I knew it deep in my gut that that is who Bella called that day on our honeymoon. Even in my state of semi consciousness I _knew_ She was doing something. She was always so selfless. Her final downfall. The pain in my chest grew significantly at the memory. _I need a break_, I thought and pulled into the parking lot of Eternal Sins, my friend's bar.

When I moved back to the Olympic area the first thing I did was go back to Forks, Washington. Just to see if anyone was still there. Anyone that mattered to me. The manor was vacant and held a faint hint of the most delectable scent I had ever come across: Her blood. The house smelled of her; everywhere. I roamed the rooms searching for signs of her survival. I found none. The rooms were disheveled and in a mess I was shocked that Esme would have left behind. The Cullen's recycle their homes over the decades and never left one in a less than perfect condition.

I wandered back to my old bedroom and smiled when I saw the wedding pictures She had been so adamant about lying about.

"_It's our story, Edward! I don't care where we live but we must have these pictures out right now. This is our past and our future in one pristine shot. Why would you want to keep them in a moldy old box?" She stuck out her tongue and pulled three pictures out of the box._

"_I would hardly call the trunk a 'moldy old box', love. We just got it at the wedding. Besides, we really must go talk to Carlisle about your…condition." I proceeded calmly. My wife was so eager to have this…thing, that whenever I brought it up she would…_

"_Edward! Stop calling it my condition. He is a baby. Our baby! Why don't you just go unpack the rest of the car while I…" She breathed erratically and held on to the wall for support. The 'baby' was draining her. Why couldn't she say how dangerous it was? I ran to her side to support her better and she pushed me away lightly. I moved how she wanted me to and left the room._

_What else could I do if she didn't want help?_

I picked up one of the frames and ran my fingers over her face. "So beautiful…" I muttered aloud and sunk to the ground with the frame still in my hand. It was in that moment I knew that our lives together truly did end at 'I do.'

After that day I moved to Port Angeles and tried to move on in life. I knew life would not have been the same without her because she was my salvation. Unlike the time we were parted before, this time we broke up like a modern couple. She wanted a baby and I couldn't watch her hurt herself. Our differences divided us eternally and I could not beg the Volturi to end my life for someone who had so easily given hers up.

Felix found me hunting one night deep in the woods. If it wasn't for his strength at holding me back inches away from his jugular, Felix would have been dead. He held me back and offered me a room. We were both lonely and had decided silently to be each other's companion for the time being. It was a comfortable life but when Felix met a girl I knew it was time to move on. And I did. Tessa.

The bar was something that had just begun when I met Felix but over the past five years business was booming and Felix was enjoying a semi-normal life. He had a job, he had friends, and he had a girlfriend. Of course, he was a vampire and had had many jobs in his past and just as many friends but, his girlfriend was his first _human_ girlfriend. She was spectacular for him. Much like Tessa, Jazz knew that we were different but did not question it. We all were just taking life one day at a time.

"Oi! Masen, you looking for Moonstone?" The bartender hollered when I entered the empty bar. Eight o'clock in the morning was actually an illegal time to sell alcohol. Port Angeles is trying to cut down on the drunkards after an unsuspecting girl was raped last year. The men were caught and the woman was in therapy but it was enough to send a message to the people.

"Yeah, is he in yet?" I took a seat at the bar and ordered water. The bartender handed me the bottle and disappeared into the back office. He came back with a cheery looking Felix.

"Hey, what's up? You never come out this early," Felix hopped over the bar and punched me in the shoulder.

"Thanks, Ass Hat. I can come out whenever I want, you know. Tessa doesn't control me."

Felix shot me a humored glance, "She doesn't control you, yet. Jazz didn't use to control me but now I can't even hunt before seven. She hates getting the stains out of my shirts but at least she does it."

"You have Jazz do your laundry? What else are you doing at night?" Felix waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "On second thought, I'd rather not know."

"Oh, my brother from another mother, I am studying the several levels of Hell and trying to figure out where our sorry asses will fall when the end of the world comes!"

"In 2012, right?" I smiled easily. Felix Moonstone in his human life was quite the conspiracy theorist.

"Exactly, man! They don't want you to know it but now that the hint has been released you would be surprised about what these humans are coming up with!" I rolled my eyes at him and took a swig of the water. "You don't really have to drink that, you know? I could pour you some of my personal drink if you want." I denied that quickly and took another swig.

"Where is Jazz anyways?" I couldn't see the girl anywhere.

Felix and Jazz are picture perfect. If she was turned we doubted there would be much of a difference. Felix had short brown hair and golden eyes. He was lanky and had dark circles underneath his eyes, darker than usual for a vampire. Jazz was about a foot shorter that him and had black hair and ice blue eyes. She was well curved in all the right places and had a cherubic face that could charm the devil. I used to think that was why Felix was attracted to her because he was sure she could save his soul. For all I knew, she probably could.

"Oh, she's probably still sleeping. We were working on her research paper pretty late last night and at one point she poked herself in the eye with a straw. It was fucking adorable but I tucked her into bed around four in the morning. And Tessa? Aren't you meeting the folks tonight?" I groaned and put my head on the bar. "I take that as a yes. Don't worry, mate. It's not as a bad as television makes it out to be. I met Jazz's parent's a few months ago. It didn't go too bad…"

I looked up incredulously and smiled, "Didn't her sister, Reggae, try to feel you up under the table?"

"Yeah, but her parent's liked me alright. Besides, does Tessa have and ex-sex addicts in the family?"

I thought considerably and came up blank. "Exactly, so you should be safe from Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

"Well, hello boys. How are we doing today?" Jazz's voice pooled into the room as she waltzed in and sat on Felix's lap. They kissed each other's cheek tenderly and turned their attention back to me. For such…eccentric people…Jazz and Felix are against all forms of public displays of affection. Jazz looked like she rolled out of bed and jumped on her bike without stopping to look at the mirror. Her hair is sticking up in all directions and her close are disheveled to the point you'd think she is homeless. A very beautiful homeless woman.

"Alright, Jazz. And yourself?" I asked politely. She shrugged and continued to eye me. "Is everything okay?" I asked the couple. Felix glanced at Jazz and a silent conversation passed between them. It wall began to feel like a horrible intervention. "Guys?" I tried again. "Do you need me to leave while you ravage each other on the bar?" Jazz and Felix continued their conversation for several more moments before Jazz hopped off her love's lap and went to her handbag. She rifled through it and pulled out a folder labeled 'Masen.' Felix watched me carefully but offered up no explanation.

"I know what you are, Edward. I figured it out a few months ago," Jazz looked around for any wandering ears. The bartender had left to go fetch more barstools from the manufacturer and was not expected to return for several hours. We were completely alone. Jazz continued, "I have talked to Felix and he has informed me that you are…_safe._ But, when I learned that you were older than me I became curious. Where did you come from? Who were you? What led you to us? Felix didn't know that so…I began to research." Jazz smiled softly.

I glared at Felix. How could he allow this? This utter display of invasion of privacy. I never delved into people's pasts but here was a young, weak, naïve human happily trying to figure me out.

"I would say I'm sorry, Edward, but, I'm not. We've been friends for years but I just know the basics. I…we," Felix smiled at his girlfriend, "are highly interested into this type of research, you know that, mate. I can't help it. If there is a good story I just have to know. And, well, you have quite an interesting story. Especially, since you do so well at hiding your tracks. Congratulations on that, by the way. Jazz, continue?"

Her eyes flashed happily and she opened the file. "I am sorry about his, Edward."

I looked at her and couldn't be angry at her. She really meant nothing but this. I knew this could always happen. I just never expected someone to actually do it. "It's alright, Jazz."

"I know you are one hundred and twenty eight years old. You were born to a Mr. Edward Masen and Mrs. Elizabeth Masen. You were an only child and were suspected to have died by the cruel hand of the Spanish Influenza when it hit Chicago, Illinois. Is that right?" I nodded once and her smile broadened. "You chose a companion by the name of Carlisle Cullen and travelled with him over the years. Your coven grew quite large over the years with: Esme Cullen, Alice Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale, and Emmett Cullen. All of them married except you. By this point in time you had taken the name Cullen and were the adopted son of Carlisle and Esme. The others were seen as your siblings." Jazz stopped abruptly.

"Is that all?" If that was all she found than that would be fine. Carlisle and I spent hours trying to hide our tracks…it would be a disgrace if a simple girl could unravel our entire history in a few months.

Jazz shook her head and looked to Felix for support. "We found a lot more but, we don't know how much you _know _yourself…"

I cocked my head to the side, "How far does your research go?"

"Until last year…"

"Please, please go on." The desire to know the whereabouts of my family was overwhelming. How was Alice? Did Rosalie and Emmett get remarried? Did Carlisle and Esme adopt more children? Is Jasper still desiring to participate in a fake civil war battle? How did She…die? Did it hurt? Is the _thing_ safe? Is it alive?

Felix took a paper from the folder and began in a monotonous tone, "You married your high school sweetheart, Bella Swan, and married her in the summer after your graduation. During your honeymoon Bella fell ill and you walked out on her. After that you were never seen or heard from again. Bella and your family moved on to various places in the first year after your departure but ultimately decided to stay in Alaska. Carlisle Cullen currently works at the local hospital and Esme designs…chairs."

"Chair?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She's your mother."

"Anything else?"

"Do you have any questions?"

"Is Bella still with them? Has anyone seem her?"

Jazz looked down at her notes and nodded, "Bella still lives with your family. She has kept your last name and volunteers sometimes in the hospice."

"Why did you bring this up to me today?"

"It's been twenty-one years since you've seen them, mate. Did you rather we kept it from you for longer?" Felix smiled abashedly and kissed Jazz's hand sweetly. "We just thought that maybe you would be happier with your old family. Not that Tessa isn't great and everything but…"

"I know. She's not…Bella."

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I sat in the grass, overlooking the small lake in the park. Children scampered around and mother's followed quickly after them. Is Bella like that now? Did the…baby…survive?

"Hey, baby," Tessa crooned as she sat down next to me. "What are you thinking so hard about? You're going to get crease lines in your forehead," she kissed my forehead lightly and I smiled. She is so sweet.

"Nothing in particular. I just found out I may need to take a trip up to Alaska for the day." The words flooded out before I could stop them. When did I decide to leave?

Tessa cocked her head confused and stared hard at me. "Is this about meeting my parents? You don't need to flee the county, you know. We can put it off. I know it's a little odd that they wanted to meet you. We can tell them to wait. I promise."

I looked over at the woman who had grown up before my very eyes. When I met her she was vapid and underlying a great insecurity. But somewhere along the way she had truly matured. I can't leave her for someone who might not even love me anymore. Bella probably hates me, as she should. I left her to die without a glance back. But I have to make sure I don't have a child somewhere. Another wrong doing will not save the soul I have decided a few years ago to have again. "Tessa, we can put it off. Would you mind flying up there with me for a few days? I have some family business to take care of."

"What are you going to introduce me as, Edward?" Tessa stood firmly. We have never defined what we had…it was not necessary.

"My girlfriend."

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**A/N: Updated 12-4-10. **

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? I had three drafts for this chapter… and can most likely answer every question you have.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**And a special thanks to Billi Cullen for 'pimping' me on FaceBook as one reviewer said. It made me laugh.**


	4. Parachute

"**I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand  
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned  
I won't tell anybody  
Won't tell anybody  
They wanna push me down they wanna see you fall down**

Won't tell anybody that you turn the world around  
I won't tell anyone that your voice is my favorite sound  
I won't tell anybody  
Won't tell anybody  
They wanna see us fall they wanna see us fall down"

**~Ingrid Michaelson, "Parachute"**

**Bella's POV**

I stared at the white wall and concentrated on my own personal mantra. "I can do this. He means nothing. Renesmee is everything. You will alright. You are amazing just the way you are," I repeated aloud at the wall. I smiled happily as my nerves started to slow down.

"Added a bit of Bruno Mars to your mantra?" Alice sat down next to me. She slipped her hand into my own and squeezed reassuringly. "You are right though, Bella, you are amazing just the way you are. Even though that is a horribly outdated song I will over look it in this circumstance." I smiled slightly and turned to look at my oldest friend. Her short black hair was just as spiky as it was the day I first met her. Sadly, everything about her was exactly the same as the day I had met her. Alice wanted to grow up some days. Maybe just to have a reason to have a birthday party. Maybe to not have to go back to high school every again. But, I think it is just to prove that she is wise beyond her years to everyone she meets.

"Thank you, Allie," I whisper and lean my head on to her shoulder. "Is He still here?" I ask nonchalantly. Alice nods once and squeezes my hand again. "Talking to Esme and Carlisle?" Nod. "Where's Jasper and Emmett?"

"They are all talking to him, Bella. He's been gone for so long; they must have many questions for him."

"Yes, of course," I feel numb. My ex-husband comes home for the first time in over two decades and I still can't face him. I feel my grudge twitch in my chest and I smirk. I am an eternal, moody teenager. "Did He mention how long he will be here? I want to bring Renesmee back soon. I don't trust her in the town."

Renesmee wants to believe she has full control over herself. She thinks I am just being over protective about her because she is so different. That is only part of it. Even though my daughter and I have been in this life for about the same amount of time I hold one thing over her. My gift. As a human I was not affected by the mental powers of other vampires and now as a vampire myself I could save humans from what I was. Carlisle calls me a shield. I call myself a stubborn ass. No matter how much I wanted to drink human blood as a newborn I could not will my body to actually go for the kill. I would lean in to my prey and instantly be repelled with myself. Rosalie thought it was hilarious.

I was on my first hunt on my own and I came across a lonely hiker. I reacted the way everyone expected: I attacked. Charging at full speed toward my prey I licked my lips in anticipation for what was about to come. It never came. The hiker's eyes expanded and he started to shake. I felt such a compassion for him and his family I saw myself through his eyes: a monster. I may have apologized to him as a fled but I doubt he ever heard me.

Renesmee did not have that control. Renesmee did not have any gifts, especially, not any life saving ones. I could not risk the exposure of her to the Volturi. When she was born we went to Italy to present her to the guard. We showed them what she was and what she could do. She was harmless. Aro granted her a life as long as she kept her 'fangs' to herself. The fear that with one mistake she could be taken away made me slightly over protective. It always made me a smile when I thought of being over protective. He was over protective and I hated it. If I wasn't so deeply in love with him at the time I probably would have tested out the stake theory.

"Edward is allowed to stay here as long as he wants, Bella. He is my brother," Alice mumbled sadly and released my hand.

"I know, it's just…hard."

"Duh!" Alice jumped up from the ground and held her hand out to me. I used her help in standing up. I have a theory that the Cullen's sometimes forget I am a vampire and can do things on my own now. "He broke your heart, Bella._ But,_ it has been twenty years!"

"Twenty-one," I corrected icily. She smirks and rolls her eyes.

"Whatever, B! He left you, right?" I stare dumbly. "Well…that just means you have the chance to show him what his sorry ass his been missing all these years! You may be a mom but you are an eternally eighteen year old mom who was beautiful to begin with. Work what you have goin' on and show him that him leaving was the most stupid decision he will ever make in his entire sorry existence!" Alice showed all her teeth in an evil grin and I could help but laugh at her infectious joy.

"I thought he was your brother and you wanted me to get along with him?" I shot back.

Alice rolled her eyes again. I scolded her and she just laughed. "I'm not a kid, B, you can't tell me what to do! Besides, it is called a loophole. Yes, I want you two to try to get along, _but¸_ that does not mean you can't go with psychological warfare! Think about how much fun it will be to watch him squirm! Ooh, you can wear that leather dress I bought you a few years ago when we go downstairs. The style just came back and you will be a walking succubus!"

"I'm not Tanya, Alice. I won't act like her." Nasty, whore vampire sleeps with poor unsuspecting men for her entertainment. I will not act like her for the sake of revenge. Renesmee would totally call me out on my shit too.

"It was just an expression, Bella!" Alice flings her hands up in distress. Such a little drama queen, I think sadly. We may need her to go back to school just so she can have somewhere to fit in.

"Alright, alright. I'll do it," I concede and try to leave the room. Alice bars me down with her arm and asks me where I am off too. "To put on that dress?" my statement sounds like a question. When did I get my insecurity back? That's what He does to me. Makes me a naïve little girl with self esteem problems. That's it. Alice is right. He needs a taste of his own medicine. I spent a year of my life sexually frustrated to the point that I could not fall asleep in class without having an extraordinary dream with Edward taking me over the bio teacher's desk. Now we are equal. No more broken toy against a shiny new toy. I can mess him up just as bad. "I can do this. He means nothing. Renesmee is everything. You will alright. You are amazing just the way you are. He deserves a taste of his own medicine. He is going down." I laugh at my new mantra and hug Alice. I can do this.

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Shit.

I can't do this.

I forget how short this dress actually is.

Alice is such a little liar.

This does not look good on me.

"Bella! Stop frowning or you will end up with lipstick on your nose. I may be a miracle worker but I cannot work with grumpy little bitches. Okay?" Alice growls as she applies the last bit of makeup to my frowning face. You would think after two decades with the woman I would have learned to put on my own makeup. Wrong. Oh, so very wrong.

"Alice, what if this doesn't work?" I nibble on my bottom lip and receive a firm smack to the back of my head.

"One, stop ruining your makeup. Two, stop acting like you are eighteen. I know you look like it and sometimes act like it but at this point in time I need you to be your usual confident, loving, and sexy vampire Bella." Alice fixes the lipstick in smudged with my old human nervous habit. "I don't know what kind of voodoo control my brother has over you but it is thoroughly pissing me off. How can you let him keep doing this to you? First, he breaks your heart into a thousand little pieces and now he is transforming you into a nervous wreck. I've watched you grow over the years, Bella. He shouldn't have this control over you anymore. Don't let him, honey, he isn't worth it. He may be my brother but when he left you my respect for him dropped. Renesmee may have never met him but our opinions aren't very different. I was talking to her a few months ago and she doesn't see her as the one who was abandoned. She thinks he abandoned you and she loves you so much it makes her furious. That hole in the tree outside? The one I told you was Emmett and I? That was Renesmee on her eighteenth birthday. Every year when she can't age anymore, she blames him. Renesmee may not even know she's upset that he did leave her too but it hurts her. And are you really going to go downstairs and fall to goo at the feet of the man that hurt you and your daughter?"

I sit there speechless. Alice isn't my serious friend. She is my fun, happy, bubbly shopping friend. Rosalie is my serious, strong, rock of a friend who was there for me when no one else was. I sometimes forget how Edward hurt everyone. Alice was close to him and lost one of best friends when he left all of us. She's right. Edward doesn't deserve my feelings of doubt. He deserves to see how I've matured and how not affected I am about his departure because in all reality his leaving made me grow. He was a safety blanket that I would have never had to leave behind. When he left I felt as if my world collapsed but when Renesmee was placed into my arms everything had a new meaning. Alice was right. "Fine, Alice. Just don't have me doing any Jell-O shots, okay?" I joke lamely to break the ominous mood.

Alice breathes a sigh of relief and places a kiss on my forehead, "As long as you don't bite your lip."

Esme was in the hallway waiting for us when we stepped out of my bedroom. She smiled half heartedly but her eyes radiated ecstasy. Her baby boy was home. I hugged her and smiled. "Ready?" I nodded and we headed down the stairs to my date with the devil.

Edward was sitting in my spot on the couch. I resisted the urge to rip out his gorgeous copper locks and throw them in the fireplace with a wicked laugh as background noise. Carlisle looked confused at me. No doubt because of my outfit. Alice just poked me in the back to urge me forward. Carlisle stood up and Edward followed. The perfect gentleman, my inner bitch sneered. I tried to soothe her with the promise of a nice juicy moose but she just stuck out her tongue. What can I say? She is a bitch after all.

"Hello, Edward," I breathed as I took him in. His eyes widened and he smiled sadly. "What brings you to Alaska?" I smile and hug him. God, he smells delicious. Spearmint and peaches. Strange, I could only smell the spearmint when I was human. His arms encircle my body awkwardly. I squeeze into him and purr against my better judgment. When we part I take the seat next to Esme and Carlisle. Alice sits next to Edward. She winks subtly at me and I roll my eyes.

Edward clears his throat and he turns to speak to Carlisle, "I have been trying to find you for a while now, Carlisle. Your hiding skills have definitely improved over the years. My friend's mate helped me find you…"Edward's eyes dart to me briefly and I innocently cross my legs. The hemline of the dress at this angle gave him a brief glance of the black, lace thong I had put on for the dress. One perk about being a vampire: everlasting memory. I knew for a fact that my bare ass would be forever haunting his mind. Suck on that, Ass Hat, the inner bitch smirked and urged me to go sit on his lap. Ignoring her I went back to listening to Edward spin some incredibly boring tale about how he found us. It really couldn't have been that hard to find us. The Cullen's circulate through their houses over time and Alaska was one of their favorites. Edward knew this. He could have found us in under a year. He just didn't want too, my old self consciousness rears her head sadly and the inner bitch smacks her. The wakeup call to myself caused me lean forward in false interest. Hello, cleavage flash.

"So where have you been all this time, Edward? You always wanted to go back to Africa, right? Did you get there, yet?" I am genuinely curious. I tried to do my part in the world by volunteering at the hospice. The loose hours and proximity to the house kept me close to my daughter. However, it also kept me further from helping the world to my full extent. Maybe when Renesmee was more mature and I could trust her fully around humans I would go to Haiti or India.

"I actually stayed mainly in the United States. I finally got to go outside in Florida and try surfing a bit. I wish I tried it earlier. It happens to be the one thing I truly…suck…at," Edward laughs at his own failure and Alice joins. Traitor. "And you, Bella? Volunteering at hospices now? We always knew you were the selfless one," Edward's comment has a biting sting that I try to ignore. What does that mean, Edward? As a human I was not enough and now as a vampire am I still as worthless to you? I yell in my head.

"Excuse me, Bella?" Edward asks me. Shit. Did I say that out loud? I look to Alice and she nods. Shit. I did it again.

"I am sorry, Edward. I don't know where that came from. Please, excuse me." I jump up from the couch and walk swiftly from the room. I'm not running, I tell myself calmly, I just need to breathe some _clean_ air. A non-Edward toxin would be clean enough.

The night air is clean and the sun is still shining. Stupid, stupid Alaska. Always bright and sunny when I want it dark and dismal. I lean over the balcony over the porch and take deep unnecessary breaths. "I can do this. It's for Renesmee. And me. But also for Renesmee." I smile at the thought of her face today. Well, before Edward decided to show up. He ruined her birthday. Not that he knew it was her birthday. For all he knew she was dead and I was a vampire. At least the latter was staring him in the face. He had to have known this would have happened with or without him. Alice promised to change me once and she came through when I needed her most.

"Bella?" a horribly familiar voice whispered loudly behind me. I chuckled. That would have been a soft whisper to a human. I guess old habits die hard. I ignore. Because me inner bitch told me too and I agreed. He deserved the silent treatment. "Bella, I know you can hear me. You could have heard that whisper from the living room. Will you just talk to me?" I ignore him and give my inner bitch a high five. Fuck. Does this mean I'm crazy? I'm inner high-fiving a figment of my imagination. Shit. Edward made me fucking bonkers! That's it. Silent treatment over. I turn to look at him. I sigh. It sounds like I'm swooning but I swear to all that is holy that I sighed. Edward smirks. Damn, he thinks I am swooning too.

"That wasn't a swoon." I defend myself indignantly. Edward shakes his head in agreement. He still doesn't believe me. "What do you want, Edward?" My old self wants him to say 'you.' The inner bitch wants me to push him off the balcony. I choose a middle ground. I hold up my hand and press it against his lips. "Never mind. I don't want to know anymore. I wanted to know twenty-one years ago. Not now." I pull my hand from his lips and turn away.

"Bella," Edward stands next to me on the balcony. I look quickly out of the corner of my eye. He's staring straight ahead. Fine. I can do the same thing. "I am sorry about what I did. I know it was wrong…"

"Fuck you, Edward!" I turn to him and poke him the chest. "You left me to die on that porch that night! You were my entire life and you took it and ran. I don't care if you know it was wrong now. It was wrong the moment you said it. Your are two decades too late. Why the hell are you here _now?_" My voice starts to shake and I turn to look back at the scenery.

"I just had to know, Bella." Edward whispers. I feel bad. I'm too fucking selfless for my own good. "Did it survive?" 

"It? It? IT? Did you just dare to call my baby an _it_, again? How many times do we have to go over this, Edward? The baby is not an it or an abomination. Or as you so kindly only refereed to it on your good days…a fetus. No, _it_ did not survive." I seethed and my inner bitch flicked him off. I resisted the urge to do it myself. I just told him my baby didn't survive, didn't I? Shit. Well, wait. I said it didn't survive. Renesmee is not an it. She is my baby.

Edward is still smarter than I give him credit for because his follow up is: "Sorry, I forget how touchy you are sometimes. Those wild human emotions never left you did they? I meant, did the baby survive?"

Tell him yes, my old self whispers urging.

Tell him to fuck himself in the ass, the bitch says.

Where is the middle ground?

"Wild human emotions? They weren't wild, Edward. They were true emotions. Something your cold dead heart can't possibly fathom!" I choose to go with his sly insult. Ignoring the actual matter. Yes, Edward is right. I'm not being fair to him. But, then again, when was he fair to me?

Edward grabs my shoulders and forces me to look at him. His golden eyes are dark with rage. I am sure my eyes are mirrors of his. I lick my lips. I want him. There is no denying it. I want him so bad. Shit, he can probably smell that can't he? His lips twitch into a smirk. I take that as a yes. An image of catching Charlie and Sue in a compromising situation pops into my head. Good bye lust, hello cringe. I wriggle easily out of Edward's grasp.

"Bella, can't you just tell me? Yes or no?" Edward slumps to the floor. He was always such an angsty little pansy, I think. A little pansy my fingers itch to console. I narrow my eyes at Edward. Should I tell him? The moral side of me says yes. The pissed off side of me says no. If I say yes he may want to be a part of her life. If I say no he will leave. Actually, if I say yes there is still a chance of him leaving. Such a simple decision. "Bella?" Edward pleads again.

"Yes, Edward. The baby survived."

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**A/N: Updated 12-05-10. Review for updates before I flee to Mexico for the holidays.**

**~As always thank you for the reviews~**

**Thanks to:**

**BilliCullen**

**Thepinktabby**

**Hln3twimom**

**Kdillin**

**Missdramallama**

**~Thank you all so much, I really do write for feedback. This story is the fastest one I have written so far and can already see how it should play out~**


	5. Imperfect Is The New Perfect

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to ****CCBTH**** for my very first 'flame!' Here's some fluff before we dive back into the drama!**

"**It's not worth it, it's not worth it  
I don't fit the mold  
I am real  
Too colorful to conceal  
Imperfect is the new perfect  
Imperfect is the new perfect**

Just dry your eyes, you're beautiful  
I understand, it's logical  
'Cause these images are everywhere  
They'll make believe, so don't compare  
I will not compare"

**~Caitlin Crosby, "Imperfect Is The New Perfect**

Renesmee's POV

"So what now?" I take another big slurp of my hot chocolate. Rose shrugs and fiddles with her cell phone. How can she bored? We're out of the house. Off the property. In town! Nothing could be more spectacular that this. It was everything I had dreamed it would be. Small, cute stores lining the road and little kids walking hand in hand with their parents. Did I mention that they were all human? Yep! Every single on of them were one hundred percent au natural, grade A human! I've never seen so many in one place. I sometimes would catch a glimpse of someone visiting Carlisle or wandering in the woods but never so close to me. Euphoric is the only way to describe me. Sure, I should he curious about who just ruined my family birthday dinner but I can't summon any emotion toasted him. Not when the stranger somehow gave me the best gift ever: freedom. Okay not complete freedom because I was being chaperoned. But it was definitely a start. Maybe Mom would hear how I was so good and she'd let me come back. Wouldn't that be amazing? I could have friends. I'm pretty sure I could get friends at least. They made it look basic enough on the television. Yeah, I would have my own friends. My life would be a little less monotonous and angsty.

"If you smile any harder I made need to lock you up," Rosalie chuckled and opened her phone. She frowned and shut it. "Emmett's prank texting again." Rose explained before I could ask.

"Oh, did he mention who showed up?" Hello, curiosity.

"No." Rose didn't make eye contact with me. She must know who it was too. Lame. No one tells me anything.

"What do people do for fun around here?" I change the subject to a light, easy topic.

"Alice and I go shopping. Bella likes to watch the people. The boys head over to the arcade every now and then. Basically we all blend in with the others," Rose smiles at me and looks down at her now vibrating phone. "Sorry, honey, I have to take this. Don't wander off okay? I have a feeling we'll be home soon." Rose stands from the table gracefully and starts to walk quickly away. As she pushes through the crowd she flips open the phone and snarls: "What does he want?"

I try to watch the people but get bored. It figures my mom would have a boring idea of human fun. I focus in on one girl with hair that reminds me of milk chocolate. Is it natural? I used to want to dye my hair. The color came from my dad, Mom told me one day. She smiled reverently at me but her eyes hinted sadness. I didn't want to look like him. Because somehow me looking like him sounded a lot like a possibility of me acting like him. Stupid but true. Mom wouldn't let me dye my hair though. In the end she told me she really did like it and red hair was such a rare thing now. Great, another thing to make me different.

"Why are you staring at me?" I shake my head to clear my musings and stare back into the eyes of the chocolate haired girl.

"What?" lamely I fire back. I was clearly staring.

"You. Were. Staring. At. Me." the girl says slowly like I'm dumb.

"Is your hair real?" I swear it slipped out before I could stop it. I've never talked to a human and she was just so close! And now I've insulted her. She scrunches her eyebrows together in frustration and self consciously touches her hair. "Oh! It's not bad! I like it. I used to want to dye my hair that color. I guess I spaced out and didn't turn away. I'm sorry to distress you." Word vomit makes me unnaturally formal. Another strange thing to add to my list.

The girl laughs and takes Rose's old seat, "Trust me, that didn't distress me at all. You're funny. What's your name?"

"Renesmee. And thanks, I don't try to be. What's yours?" I start to panic. Where's my aunt? Am I telling this girl too much? Am I endangering my family? And then the complete irrational thought: does she know?

She makes a face, "My name's Lola Darren. Talk about unoriginal name. At least yours fits into the age. My parents were such suckers for their here and now I got stuck with a generic ass name," Lola eyes me, "Please excuse my French. I had four Lola's in my class last year. Is Renesmee common where you're from?"

I smile and shake my head. Nope, I'm one of a kind with the eight people I talk to on a daily basis but Lola doesn't need the fine details.

"So where are you from?" Lola presses and looks down at her watch. "Shit. I was supposed to meet my parents. Wanna come? It won't take too long." I panic. Rose told me to stay. But she hasn't come back. She must know I would look strange sitting here all by myself for so long. At least I would think I would. How can I know? Maybe it isn't as abnormal as I think. But what if it is? What if they figure out I'm different? We would have to move again. I loved Alaska. Fine, it's settled. I'll go with Lola.

"Sure, I'd like that." Genuinely I would love it. Lola smiles and quirks her head to the side, "You're like really pretty. Did you know that? Totally gorgeous." We stand and head away from the coffee shop. She loops her arm with mine and leads me down the street. People look at us and Lola just mutters under her breath.

"What's wrong?"

"People here aren't used to me. I tend to catch an odd eye every now and then back home but here I catch them all the time." I don't know how to respond. Lola attracts bad attention without me? I had just assumed the looks were at me. But what does Lola have to be different? "It's my clothes. A little old fashioned, I guess but it's me." I surveyed Lola out of the corner of my eye. Draped over her thin frame were multi-colored fabrics fashioned around her to form a dress. It was a little out of date but nothing to be ashamed of. Alice had similar clothes in her massive closet at home.

"So where are they used to you?" Lola doesn't blend in with the Alaskan crowd. That's for sure. Her olive complexion and over the top amount of wrappings proved that. Sure, it was already cool in Alaska but the locals were taking it as unseasonably warm and still in their light jackets.

"Washington. Forks, Washington," Lola appraised my blank expression. "It's a little blip in Washington and is pretty much obscured by a sad amount of rain and fog. I swear my grandparent's intentionally miss the only exit just so they can enjoy the last few moments of real sunlight. My dad moved us there a few years ago and I've hated it every second. My brother, you're about to meet him to, loves Forks. I think it's because he's the most talented athlete they've ever seen. Which is horrible because in our last school he wasn't even allowed to try out he was the horrible. You're from here, right? Or are you just passing through like me?"

"I've lived here most of my life," I say shortly. I don't know how much to give away! I want to talk to her! To have a friend for once. One that can't smell me and has the idea that drinking blood is good for you. Lola stops in her tracks and stares up at me.

"Alright, I know I come on a little strong but you can always tell me to shut the fuck up, okay? I say what's on my mind basically all of the time. I sense that you are hiding something and I'm fine with that. I have only known you less than an hour and don't expect a life history lesson but I do expect some conversation. When I saw you staring at me I had this feeling you are just as lonely as I am. We're both different." Lola cocks her eyebrow, questioning me to debate her. "I just have this feeling about us, Renesmee. One day we're going to be the best of friends. Do you ever get that feeling?"

I chuckle and loop my arm back with hers."Maybe you're psychic, Lola." We giggle childishly together. It feels good. It feels right. Maybe Lola's on to something.

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Lola steered me through the town with more knowledge than I would have ever expected a tourist to have. She asked me some questions about the town and each time I had to decline knowledge on it. Eventually I just decided to straight up tell her that I have never been into town before. The only question she had was if I was home schooled. I went with that. I'd ask Jasper what that actually was later tonight in case it came over in conversation later on.

I gave her my cell phone number.

Isn't it sad that such a tiny event will be forever lodged into my brain as one of the most important moments of my history. Just like this entire day. I want to tell her that it's my birthday but don't know how old to say. I have never been good at guessing ages. What is she turns out to be about fourteen and I become a creepy old woman following her around? I'm pretty sure she could have me arrested for that. That would be a great way to end my birthday. Jail.

"What's green and in a blender?" Lola asks me suddenly. I look around for this blender. I see an old man eating peanuts but no blender.

"Uhh…" Lola laughs at my confusion and doesn't bother answering. "What was that for?" I don't like feeling dumb. Not that anyone does but her question seemed pretty strange.

"It was lame but I was wondering if you wanted a smoothie? My parents are over at the bar and I was going to get one." Lola pointed to a tiny family huddled near the cash register. I decline and watch her bound over to them. I take my time because; really where else do I have to be? Rose hasn't called my cell phone and I don't see any strange blurs of family members following me. I must be safely away from them.

Lola has her mother's hair and her father's complexion. Her father is tall, dark, and handsome. Her mother is shot, curvaceous, and model-worthy. I smile as I watch how easily they interact. It's as easy as breathing. I get close enough to hear their conversation and can't help myself: I eavesdrop.

"Mom, c'mon! You dragged me to this frozen wasteland! You can't tell me to not have any fun. And besides, she's nice. I promise. I have a feeling about her," Lola persists. Her eyes bulge and her bottom lip pops out into a pout. Her mom smiles and looks lovingly at her husband. They share a knowing glance and Lola catches my eye. She smiles and waves me over.

"Lola, you and your looks," her father laughs and wraps his arm around her mother's waist. She grimaces at their affection. I smile at them.

"Her looks? I think it's her 'feelings' that we should be worried about!" They both laugh. Lola glares at them and walks toward me, closing the distance I had kept between us. She grabs my hand and pulls me with her.

"Mom, Dad. This is Renesmee. She lives here and one day we're going to be best friends." Lola said definitively. Her eyebrow rises toward them just as it had to me. Lola's confidence glimmers off her and it is clear her 'feelings' are spoken aloud quite often in her household. When she knows something, she knows something, and that is that. Her parents nod and smile at me.

"Renesmee? What a pretty name! I'm glad Lola found someone to talk to. All she has been doing for days has been talking about coming to shop here. My daughter knew something big was going to happen here and I guess she has decided it was meeting you." Mrs. Darrens winks at me and laughs at Lola's angered face.

"Don't laugh at me! I told you this was going to happen. I strictly remember saying we had to go shopping here today because I was going to meet my best friend for the first time. Right, Dustin?"

I looked behind me for the first time to be gifted with the face of Dustin Darrens. His face was flushed with embarrassment but it did not detract to what the god's had given him. Unlike Lola he had his father's jet black hair and mother's green eyes. His lips were pouty and full. I wanted to touch him. I had never has such an immediate reaction to anyone. Sure, he was the first guy I've ever been around but I had seen guys on the television and on the Internet. This was nothing like it.

I had a crush.

"Sure, sis. I heard you. But do we really have to talk about it in front of your new friend? Surely she would rather hang out away from our family problems, right?" His eyes bored into my head. My heart puttered faster. I didn't think it was possible. I'd definitely have Carlisle take a look at me now.

"I, uh, I…Lola?" I mumbled confused. I wanted to be alone with her brother but I also was enjoying her company so much an hour ago. It was the best time I had had in my life. Would she think I was only friends with her because of her brother? Was I going to lose my best friend for a one sentence conversation with her brother? No. No, that's not who I want to be. Hell, that's not who I am going to be. "Lola, let's go outside." I grab her hand and pull her back outside. I hear her shout her good-byes to her parents and a very explicit phrase to Dustin.

Back amongst the crowd, Lola slumped against me. "Thank God, you got us out of there. I hate when they act like that! When we are at home they really do listen to my feelings about the future. I am hardly ever wrong. But when we get outside and in public they shut me down and pretend I've lost my mind. Renesmee, do I honestly seem crazy to you?" My friend's eyes are big and pooling with innocence. She isn't a liar. She truly believes in everything she has said or seen. I'm a vampire and human who lives off AB and Cheetos. I have no right to criticize.

"I believe you. What are friends for?" I whisper loud enough for her to hear me. Before I can react she flings her arms over shoulders and engulfs me into a big hug. I hug her back tentatively. I don't want to break her. Wouldn't that be just awful? I get freedom and my first friend and I kill her? Yeah, my life is so average.

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Lola's family eventually pried us apart for the night and we promised to talk again tomorrow. For the first time in a long time I was happy it was my birthday. It just proved that my life could change and get better. Maybe living my life in an eternal state of being a teen wouldn't be so bad. I could make friends and make my own memories separate from my family. Alice would be interested to hear about Lola. They had so much in common that I was sure she would support our friendship even if my mother opposed it. Which she would because she's, you know, my mom.

There was a silver Volvo parked in front of the house when I ran up to the door. I heard Esme and Carlisle whispering urgently. Words such as 'son,' 'love,' and 'betrayal,' bombarded my ears. Something bad happened. That was for sure. Did someone have an affair with Tanya? It would be just like her to ruin my birthday with her own drama. Always had to have the spotlight…

I opened the door and threw my coat and handbag on the ground to thaw off. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and sighed. No new messaged. I was sort of hoping Lola would have texted me by now. I wanted it to be real Substantial proof that I did have a friend. That Lola and her family wasn't a dream. A very, miraculous dream.

"Renesmee?" Esme called from the living room. I followed her voice and stopped when I saw the back of an unfamiliar head. Esme smiled at me and gestured me into the room. I continued to stare at the head. An eerie feeling fell over me when I realized something.

Red hair.

"_It's such a rare hair color nowadays, Renesmee. Don't dye it. Yours is so special. You look like a shiny penny. Just like your father…" Mom smiled sadly and kissed my forehead._

Just like my father. I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to breathe. I didn't want to breathe the same air as that traitorous bastard.

"Go to hell, _Dad_." I sneered.

Oops, I guess word vomit happens when I'm pissed too. Who knew?

"Renesmee!" Esme said in shock. She began to apologize to _him_. I didn't want to hear her make excuses for me. I wasn't sorry for what I said. He deserved it. He deserved so much worse. So I did the only thing I could think of. I fled to my room and slammed the door.

If I'm going to be forever an immature teen I might as well act like it.

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**A/N: Updated 12-09-10. Thanks for everyone that has taken the time to read, review, favorite, and add me to their community. Seeing an email from fanfiction about this story makes my day.**

**A lot of people have expressed their views on Edward but, eh, what can I say? **

**The story is far from over, darlins'!**

**My favorite reviews have been the little flames I've been getting. To get such a strong response shows me that what I am writing is played out in a manner to make you feel for Bella and Renesmee.**

**People change, right?**

**I dub him Dumb-ward.**

**What do you?**

**See y'all in a few days!**


	6. Whatsername

**She went away and then I took a different path  
I remember the face but I can't recall the name  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been  
Seems that she disappeared without a trace  
Did she ever marry old what's his face?  
I made a point to burn all of the photographs  
She went away and then I took a different path  
I remember the face but I can't recall the name  
Now I wonder how whatsername has been"**

**~Green Day, "Whatsername"**

Edward's POV

Chapter Six: Whatsername

I never expected to be welcomed back into open arms. That was the last thing on my mind. But now that I consciously knew where my family was I couldn't simply stay away. I had so many unanswered questions. Bella was the biggest one of all. Did she live? How did she live? Was the thing still living? So many unanswered questions. I believe that subconsciously I knew what had happened. Why else would I check the newspapers so often? Or why did I slowly come back closer to the tiny town of Forks? It wasn't only for the curiosity of my old friends. It was for her. It was always for her. These simple things were my last tie to Bella.

But what if I was wrong? What if my hunch was just wishful thinking? What if she had passed on and our spawn still existed? Could I control myself? I took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. Theories weren't getting me anywhere.

"Edward, are you sure you don't mind me going out tonight? I can always reschedule," Tessa smiled weakly from her perch on the top of her giant suitcase. Her blonde hair was rolled into a loose bun and a slight blush crept over her cheeks. She tucked her chin in and ran a hand over her cheek lightly. "What?" she laughed, self consciously. Before I became a part of Tessa's life she swore she never blushed. I believed her. I had been told before I have a way of, I smile lightly at the memory, dazzling women. Ignoring Tessa, I lean over her and pluck my bracelet from the top of the bag. It had been years since I'd worn anything like this. Esme had presented us each one year with a special Cullen crest adorned artifact. Alice got the choker. Rosalie got the necklace. Jasper got the belt buckle. Emmett got another necklace but refused to wear it. He had it made into a key chain and still, the last time I saw him, carried it in his pocket. Carlisle was presented a hand made picture frame with a portrait of each of us wearing our gifts. He claimed he loved it but I remember his first thought being something along the lines of: 'Why, Esme?' I fingered the bracelet and smiled. Bella would have gotten one too. Esme and I had been brainstorming what to give her, knowing that Bella would not expect anything too lavish. Always feeling so unworthy. It was annoying and Esme took offense to it at the beginning. Over time Esme forgave Bella when she saw that Bella acted that way to everyone. It wasn't personal.

"No, go and have fun. I told you I have some business to attend to tonight," I kiss the tip of her nose and Tessa's heart beat flutters familiarly. "Besides, wasn't Luna going to crash here tonight?"

Luna was a sorority girl. A classic cliche sorority girl. I had never had the displeasure of meeting the young woman in person but I had had the displeasure of hearing her voice whenever she called Tessa. The natural high pitched shriek of that woman belonged to nothing different that a banshee. My sensitive ears cried whenever she called. Tessa never questioned me as I slipped out the door when the dreaded customized ringbone of 'Barbie Girl' shrieked in an equal decibel of the person calling. Sometimes I would go hunting just to take out my frustrations on something tangible and safe. I guess that says I had no problem bowing out on their 'joyous' reunion tonight. Angels may or may not have sang when Tessa graciously allowed. She understood my desire to get a head start on my work. Even if she didn't know what my work was.

"Yeah, but I don't want you to feel as if you have to leave. Luna would understand. She thinks I'm crazy about you," Tessa scrunches her nose and chuckles. We hadn't even defined what we were moments before this impromptu trip and Tessa was stepping very carefully around the subject. "You can always join us for dinner. Or after coffee since you don't like eating in public."

"Tessa," I breathe lightly, "Don't worry about me. Have fun and live your life. Just call me if you need a ride home from a bar."

Tessa swats my arm and smirks. She doesn't drink. Not in bars at least. Despite our meeting in the bar, Tessa rarely took any alcohol into her bloodstream. That was what made her stand out from everyone else. So many swaying, reeking women. Flaunting what they didn't have at me. Tessa in the corner of the bar sipping her Diet Coke listening to her friend babble through a drinker haze. It was my civilian duty to save her from that punishment. Any moment her friend would ruin Tessa's dress with the overconsumption. I had to save her. And she saved me in her own way.

Before Tessa I had never considered looking at a human again. They weren't food but they still weren't friends. I had kept my vampire female companions at arms length and if they managed to slip through once: the next day they were gone. I never kicked them out or ended our seemingly platonic relationship. They chose the walk of shame. More likely the run of shame.

Meeting Felix had changed me. His personality and views on virtually everything changed me. As a first row viewer to his growing love for the olive skinned waitress I knew that it wasn't too late for love. Or something close to it. I still doubt I will ever feel like I did at one hundred and seven. Fuck, I am getting old.

Tessa didn't press me. She didn't question me. Hell, Tessa didn't even try to figure out what I was. We were just living in the Here and Now. Our relationship was as easy as breathing. She was the fire to my ice in a way. I wouldn't tell her I love her because it wouldn't be fair. I don't love her. I gave all I had twenty one years ago and never planned to get it back.

"Fine, fine. I'll see you tomorrow night, babe. Go get some of that heavy shit out," Tessa looked pointedly at my bracelet and laid her hand over it. "Whatever you have to do, do it. I can see it in your eyes. It's eating you alive." I kissed her cheek and smiled.

"See you later, Tessy." I winked and slammed the hotel door behind me. She hated that nickname but it gave me a good, long needed, chuckle.

I knew exactly where my family was now. Not because of Jazz. Not because of my own research. No, it's because it was my old home. The decor would be a lot like the manor in Forks and every other home they owned. Beige and white. The two most boring color schemes in the world. My home was nothing like that. Each room was a loud, obnoxious color that gave the room feeling. It replaced the lack of feelings I had. Besides, Tessa and I had a blast painting it. The manor was dark brick and nestled deep in the woods. A perfect place to hunt whenever. If I had to choose my favorite home, excluding Forks, Alaska would definitely win in a second.

I pulled the black Volvo van up the drive way and felt the familiar crunch beneath my feet as I stepped out. I've always hated gravel drive ways. So damn noisy! I listened over my crunching feet and heard quick whisperings in the house. I stopped just outside the front door and ran my hand through my hair several times. And now it looks like shit, I groaned. It's now or never. I pressed my middle finger over the doorbell and retracted it before I had hit it hard enough to make a noise. Ringing the doorbell seemed too friendly. Should I just barge right it? I doubted Rosalie would appreciate that and I did not need a reason for her to hate me. Without a second thought I slammed my knuckles against the door and knocked. I was over thinking how to announce my arrival. Yeah, I need help.

Silence.

Wait, I hear noises. And shuffling. I knock again.

"Edward!" Esme launches herself through the threshold and wraps her arms around my neck. I wrap my own arms around her waist and squeeze gently. "How dare you scare me like that!"

My voice thickens with unshed emotions, "Sorry, Mom."

"Edward." Carlisle says behind his wife. I release my mother and step back. His eyes are dark and his expression is one of worry. He glances at Esme and she squeaks. "Maybe it would be best if we moved this into my office. Esme, can you go check on the kids? They said something about that awful truth or dare game again..."

Esme flings her arms up into the room, clearly frustrated. "Not again!" she turns to leave, her carmel hair swishing behind her angrily.

Carlisle smirks and gestures for me to follow him. The first thing I notice about the house is that the color scheme is not the same. Nor is the family portraits. "You redecorated," I stated obviously. Carlisle nods and enters his office. I follow and shut the door behind me. Carlisle sits behind his desk and folds his hands over each other. The portrait of the five us smiles from behind him. I can't believe he kept it.

"Aren't you going to answer me, Edward?" Carlisle hisses angrily. His knuckled are turning whiter as he squeezes his fists together.

"Er, what question?" My eyebrows knit together confused. Carlisle jumps up from his place behind the desk and lunges at me. He slams me easily into the bookcase and shakes my shoulders. I don't have a reason to defend myself. I deserve it. I am a monster.

"The question, Edward! The question everyone in the past two decades has been asking! The question that I have a right to know!" Carlisle growls and pushes of off me, staggering back to his chair behind his desk. I look at him again, closer. I was wrong in my first evaluation. He doesn't look the same. He looks slightly older. Not physically. In his eyes it shines through. He looks haggard. I worry as my old father, my old mentor, slides into his chair and cradles his face in his hands.

"You never asked me a question, Carlisle. What is it?" I whisper. His face snaps back up and I cringe. I've never been the brunt of an angry vampire.

"Too good to read my mind now, son?" the final word is sneered as a harsh vulgarity.

I shake my head and look down at my feet, "I can't read your thoughts, Carlisle. Not because I don't want too. I just can't."

A spark lightens up Carlisle's eyes, "You can't" I shake my head. Didn't I just say that? "How long?"

"The last time you saw me. Ever since I left I couldn't hear anything. No matter how hard I try I can only hear actual audio."

"That's very interesting. I wonder why that is..." Carlisle drifts off and quirks and eyebrow at me.

"That's not your question, I take it," I mumble and walk back over to the chair across from Carlisle. My defect is something I'm not comfortable discussing with him. Even if he can figure out what is wrong with me I am not sure I actually want to hear random thoughts again. The time I actually have to spend learning about someone is something I actually had missed. Ever since my silence I felt more human. Surprise, surprise.

"Why, Edward? Why leave your defenseless wife in such a state? I've gone over all the theories with Esme but we always come up blank. It's not...it wasn't who you were. What could possibly happen to drive you to another extremity? We knew you were protective of her, maniacally sometimes, but it doesn't make sense. Please, please help us see," Carlisle begs and stares straight into my eyes.

I sigh out loud. Where to begin? It was all so long ago. Hell, that's a lie. I remember the day, the day that really matters, like yesterday. Most of my family probably thinks the most important day in Bella and me's history is the day I left her the second time. Wrong. No, that was just my ending. The final straw.

I spent days going over what Bella and I had in my head. I loved her more than she ever knew possible. She loved me enough to give up her soul. In retrospect everything was perfect. In reality: nothing was. The tiny factor of Bella's pregnancy totaled everything I thought we had. Bella didn't want children. Rosalie made sure to tell Bella that it was impossible and a very hard decision to make in a years time. We had compromised ever aspect of our forever. Everything was ready to fall into place and let us lead a fairly normal existence.

But Bella took it all in her hands. She called Rosalie and turned my entire family against me. She decided to have a baby. She decided to risk her own life. She didn't ask me what I wanted. There was no more compromising. Bella's life was my life now and she had little disregard for any of it. What did that say about our relationship? She fought so hard to be with me and at the first bump in the road she was ready to give up. And this wasn't the simple matter of divorce. It was death. She would rather die than be with me.

"Carlisle...it was difficult. Not an easy matter or any easy decision. I am not saying my choice was right or was wrong. But it was my choice. Bella had been making all the decisions for not only her life but for ours as one. I couldn't watch her destroy herself for a creature that should never be born. My reasoning...sucks." I finish lamely. There was no other way to say it.

Carlisle smirks slightly and shakes his head. "Yeah, it is a little bit of sucky reasoning. Do you have any idea how it affected not only Bella but also your family? Esme sees you as her son and you took off and did not even bother telling us where you were going. You almost destroyed more than your marriage. You almost destroyed this entire family. If it wasn't for Bella..." Carlisle shakes his head sternly. As if scolding himself for saying too much. "Why are you back, Edward?"

The ultimate question. I tugged on the ends of my hair and frowned. "I want to be back a part of your lives. If you'll have me back."

Carlisle smiles and nods. "I'm sure your family will take you back in their own ways. I, uh, just can't be too sure about Bella though. Rosalie may also have a vengeance against you...how long are you planning on staying?"

My thoughts went blank at Bella. She was alive. Alive and here. I left for nothing. Carlisle cleared his throat. "I have a reservation at a hotel in town. I did not know if I'd be welcome here." Especially with my new company, I add silently.

"That's a very wise decision. Tensions are sure to run high. But, you still haven't answered why you are here. I doubt it is for your love of Bella. Since that wasn't enough to hold you down in the beginning," jibes Carlisle.

"I won't say I made a mistake Carlisle."

Carlisle sighs and nods. His eyes shine with knowing. "You're too stubborn for your own good, Edward. Now come on…Esme is practically bursting in the next room for an explanation…"

"And Rosalie is probably sharpening her stakes in garage…"

"I wouldn't put it past her, son."

**A/N: Updated 1-1-11. Sorry for the lack of updates. I hate pity. I hate the fact that I haven't been able to update. I hate it so bad but I may be very sparing in the next two months.**

**Remember how I said I was going to Mexico?**

**Well, Mexico was awesome.**

**But the guy I met on the cruise was even more so.**

**Pray for me as I dive into the scary world of unplanned pregnancies.**

**And for all the amazing women who are already mothers or anyone who could offer some advice…**

**How do I tell the guy?**

**Thanks for all the support.**

**~M.**


	7. Life After You

_A/N: The last chapter wasn't really supposed to end there. Circumstances kept me from continuing and I am truly sorry for it. I have decided we're done with the angst for a moment. I personally can't take any more of it._

"**I've been on a roller coaster since you said we were over  
Cause you didn't want to be tied down  
I felt like a loser, wasted and used  
So scared to move without you around  
I thought I was gonna die, turns out I survived  
Hey, didn't need you anyway  
I get better every day  
Don't you think it's funny how it all works out  
Yeah, I've finally got a life."**

**~Brie Larson, "Life after You"**

Bella's POV

I slammed my car door and heard an unsatisfying crunch. "Fuck!" I growl and go to pull the door harshly to dislodge it. Rosalie bought me this car last year and successfully ruined my love for ancient pickup trucks.

"Stop right there, Bella!" A flush of wind brushes my side and I fall to the ground defeated. "Look, you see that? Right there? Bella! Look at this!" I look up at the mangled car door. Rosalie has her old prom dress on, a purple strapless number that was probably popular in the late eighties, and is fumbling madly trying to get a dent out of the door. "What did my baby do to you?" Shrug. "To cause such a murder? Nothing, do you hear me Bella? Nothing! Go, get out of here! I need some time to…" Rosalie lays a light hand on the side of the car and groans.

"Why are you wearing a prom dress?" Her eyes are like daggers. Now is not the time to cross Rosalie. "Is it prom season in schools again?" Her upper lip curls into a sneer.

"Bella," Rose takes a deep breath, "you killed my baby and now are trying to judge fashion. Do you have a death wish? I know Mister Sparkle Pants is back in town but that doesn't mean you have to think of a new suicide mission." Using her hand she sweeps her hair into a loose bun and begins to punch out some of the dents I made.

"I'm not trying to kill myself, Rose. It was an accident. Yeah, Edward being around again is weird and very annoying but I am an adult…" Rose raises her eyebrows, "I am!" I protest loudly.

"With that tone you sound just like Renesmee," The car makes another crunch sound and the dents are all but gone. Rosalie stands up and places her hands on her hips. "You sound like Renesmee about a year ago actually. Has she moved past you now?" I stick out my tongue and cross my arms. "Aw, don't pout. You're face will get stuck like that."

"Whatever. So why are you wearing the dress?" Rosalie smirks and leaves the garage. Figures. It's probably some sex thing Emmett has tricked her into. Last year she wore a hula skirt for a week and no one could figure out why, well, that was until Carlisle walked into Emmett's room without knocking. Emmett has a thing for the smell of pineapple. He claims it is the only thing that vampires can fully appreciate it. I personally think he had a fruit fetish as a human and it had remained dormant until Renesmee bought a new pineapple perfume for her birthday. When he took a swig from the perfume bottle it just confirmed my suspicions: my brother is a freak in any lifetime.

Renesmee's age is a touchy subject for me. She rejects any time I try to figure out why she ages so erratically. Actually my stubborn daughter refuses for me to do anything nowadays. So much of her father is in her. Not only does she look like him but she somehow adopted his mannerisms. Some of them piss the hell out of me but others make my heart ache again. But then I remember to shove all feeble lasting emotions for him in my mental dresser and let it shake feebly every now and then. Her deep red hair and full lips are complete reflections of her father. Her habit of pulling her hair out of her face when she gets embarrassed or stressed. Not to mention her cocky, crooked smile and absurd need to protect everyone. These little things helped me fall in love with Edward but in my daughter they just reminded me of how he left me. Not us. He left me. Renesmee has small bits of both of us in her. I just seem to notice his influence more than my own. She may never acknowledge it but she is his daughter.

"Bella?" Alice chimes softly from inside the house. I groan and pick myself off the ground. Is that a dirt stain on my pants? Oh, well. Alice gets to try a new technique to clean my clothes. I have no idea how she manages to keep herself so tidy. "Oh, there you are sweetie. What were you doing on the floor?" Alice smiles lightly and smoothes out her own lime green prom dress. I raise my eyebrows. Jasper and Emmet plotting sex schemes for their mates? I hope not.

"I broke my car again. Rose yelled at me and called me younger than Renesmee. Again," I shrug and run my hand through my hair and pause. Shit. Did Renesmee pick that up from me? Did I pick that up from him? "Why are you guys wearing prom dresses? Did you enroll and not tell me?" I laugh and Alice narrows her eyes. "You're not serious are you? Why wasn't I invited?" I demand angrily.

Truth is I only went to high school once. As a human. I never had the desire to go back. No one ever pushed me to acclimate and no one else bothered. At first I thought it was only because they were all equally addicted to Renesmee but even when she grew old enough to handle herself, no one went back. I tricked myself into believing we would never have to go back. The Cullen family was done trying to blend in with high school students. I mean, seriously, who would want to go back to high school? My own experiences may differ from most modern teenagers but I was pretty sure everyone hated it and would only go back to place revenge or revel in their once hot body. Not for actual knowledge…That's boring, after all.

"We, er, enrolled about a month ago. Just to test out the waters. We would have invited you. We really would have but you seemed so content with your life in the woods. The rest of us go to school to recapture what we lost or forgot. You had it all and more. And…Renesmee was always an issue. You don't trust her around people. Which for one thing I still find totally ridiculous!" I raise my hand and silence my friend.

"You know how I feel about her. She would be putting herself at an unnecessary risk. Would you want to risk Renesmee?" Alice's shoulders fall slightly and she shakes her head. "See? That's exactly why I chose this life for the two of us."

"But…Renesmee isn't a child anymore! She could handle it. Why don't you just give her a chance?" fights Alice in return. We have had this argument many times before. I see where Alice is coming from. I'm not stupid. I know if I was Renesmee I would have also forced the issue. But that's just the thing. Renesmee is too trusting. I tell her that the world is dangerous for her and she just drops it. No questions asked. What if she met someone and they said that drugs were cool? They all impale their arms with needles and the scent of their exposed blood becomes too much? Renesmee exposes herself? Becomes a monster? No. Not my daughter. She is the purest one of us all. Renesmee never killed and never coveted the immortality over everything else. She was born blessed. She is my gift to myself. Why should I share?

"Alice, no. Not tonight. Aren't we done with this yet?"

"Nope," Alice winks and loops her arm with mine. "But we will be one day."

"And when will that day be?"

Alice steers us into the house and laughs. "When you submit fully to me Bella Swan."

"It's Cullen, loser. And sounds hot. Do you think Jasper would mind?" I wrap my arms around the tiny girl's waist. She squeaks in surprise and smirks. Her golden eyes are alight with mischief.

"No, but only if her gets to watch," Alice winks at me and leans in slowly.

"What's going on in here?" A familiar drawl screeches through the kitchen. "I thought all slash was supposed to be kept in that smut you read online?" Jasper swoops in between us and nudges me backwards. I watch my best friend and her husband stare happily into each other's eyes. I take a step toward them. Their love is like a flame to a mosquito.

I smack the back of Jasper's head swiftly and dodge his return. As I flee the room and head up the stairs I call, "Our smut cannot be contained!" I am laughing so hard that I don't even realize where I'm going until I hear a loud crack. Edward is laying on the ground wearing an expression only to be called as one of pure confusion. "What the hell are you doing down there, Edward?" I hiss and hold out my hand angrily. He takes it slowly and allows me to pull him back up to his feet. "I don't know where you've been but you must remember we don't tend to lay in hallways around here."

Edward looks flustered and gestures for Renesmee's bedroom nervously. I raise my eyebrows. What does he want me to do about her? He brought this upon himself. "I was standing…_standing_…outside her door when you came _racing_ through the hallways. I'm so sorry I wasn't expecting to be crashed into," sarcasm seeps through his voice. "Last time I checked we didn't run in the house. Esme was always very specific about that."

My mind draws a blank. He's right. "Well, when Alice and I engage in lesbian action in the kitchen it is safer for me to run away from the wrath of Jasper," I wink and push past him. I knock three times on Renesmee's door and her face appears in a small crack three seconds later. "Honey, can I come in?" Her eyes narrow at Edward. "Just me." Renesmee nods happily and allows a small spot for me to squeeze through. I shut the door in Edward's face and my inner bitch does a happy dance.

Renesmee goes back to her desk and opens her laptop, "What's up, Mom?" Her voice is distracted. "I was just about to go practice some yoga but I could hear my father breathing outside my door. It was creepy. When you go back out there could you tell him to break those creeper tendencies? His nearness really craps out my aura."

"He can hear you, Renesmee." I chide outwardly but inside I want to give her a high five and a raise in her allowance. "Don't you want to talk to him?" Please say no. Please say no. Please say no.

"Not in my life. Which I think is going to be about an eternity."

I sigh happily and watch her type away on her computer. "What are you up to?" Renesmee spins her chair to stare at me.

"I'm looking up ways to kill vampires." She deadpans. I smile and she cracks. "No, I met a couple of kids last week and we're talking in a chat room. As soon as you leave I can get started on that…"

"Fine, fine. I get the hint. I'm too old for you and your friends…I'll just go dust my gravestone…" I throw a pillow at her and she catches in with slight uneasiness. "I'm joking. Have fun, I'll try to get rid of the old stiff outside."

Renesmee wraps her hair into a bun and grimaces. "Thanks, Mom. I'll come down when I'm done up here, okay? Maybe we can go into town and…"

A growl rips through my chest, "No! That was a onetime thing, Renesmee. I know you made friends but I am still not sure about you going out alone."

"But, I said 'we.' I want to go with you. I want to show you how well I do and…then maybe you can meet Lola. You'd really like her, Mom. She's just like Aunt Alice!" Renesmee pleas and pops out her lower lip into a signature pout. Yeah, that one is all my influence.

"We'll talk about this later, Renesmee."

"But, Mom!" I stand up from her bed and stand before her. I trail my hand softly down her face. My little angel.

"Later, I promise. We will talk about this later."

"You always say that!" Renesmee pulls back from my touch and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen! Do not raise your voice to me. I am still your mother. I know having your father here is difficult but I am still your parent. Now unless you want to be grounded, you will stop this childish tantrum this instant." Renesmee huffs and nods. She won't apologize. Emmett and she are the same way. They only apologize when they see their fault. Renesmee won't see any fault in her want to go outside again. It is natural. But I will not stand being spoken to like we are equals. I may start looking younger than her but I am still her mother. No matter what she wants to believe. "Good. Dinner is at seven. Esme is cooking tonight so I would not be late if I were you." I offer a weak smile but my daughter's scowl does not shift. I exit her room quietly and run into Edward…again.

"And we meet again, Bella," Edward purrs and I push him back. "Sorry, I couldn't help it. Now what do I have to do to get into that bedroom?" I giggle at the absurdity of his question and try to move past him. "Bella? C'mon tell me!"

"When will you stop trying to sneak into teenage girls' rooms, Edward? Doesn't the creeper or stalker vibe of your aura bother you?" I snap angrily.

"Ouch, Bella!" Edward feigns a heart attack and clutches his chest. "Really? A stalker? I'm just trying to have a decent conversation with my…" Edward stumbles on the last word.

"Daughter, Edward. She's your daughter. If not by love or choice, by blood. Or whatever you had. Sperm? I guess she's your daughter by sperm," I frown, "That sounds raunchy. Renesmee is your daughter by ejaculation."

"That doesn't sound much better, Bella." Edward points out.

"I know it doesn't but nothing about this situation ever sounded much better. Now what are you doing here again?"

"Trying to get into that room to talk to my daughter by ejaculation," Edward chuckles and leans against the wall. God, I want to lick him…no, bad Bella. Where the fuck did these teenage hormones come from?

"Well, good luck with that. She's trying to rid herself of all your negative energy right now," I smirk as his face falls. He must not be used to women rejecting his company. Serves him right. I pat his shoulder softly as I head downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe Esme needs some help. Her cooking skills are no match for mine even after all her years of training.

"What should I do until then?"

"Go find something to do or screw, Edward. It's what you're good at. Find a distraction," I walk down the stairs with a gleeful smile on my face. Edward: 60 Bella: 1. I'm on my way!

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"This looks…just like the picture, Esme!" I smile happily as I hand over Esme's dish of meatballs. Another thing I miss about being human: the sense of human smell. Now all I can smell is the preservatives and toxins within the meatballs. Sometimes it'd be nice to just smell something for nose value.

Esme smiles happily, her dimples in full force and places the platter on the bar. "I hope Renesmee likes it…Rosalie said she was eyeing some when they were out in town. I just want her to like being here, you know? It has to be hard to live your entire life with only your family…"Esme smiles shyly and I groan.

"Not you too! Alice got to you! Why does no one see my side of things anymore?" I wail, my prima donna extenuating my young face.

"Because life sucks, Bella-bee." Rosalie laughs and drags Emmett with her into the kitchen.

"Is there pineapple?" Emmett takes a deep sniff and cringes. "You lied, Rosie!" Emmett runs from the room covering his nose.

"Thank you for that, Rosalie." I mutter dryly and stir the meatballs again.

"For Emmett or the whole your life sucks thing?" Rosalie takes the spoon from me and places it on the side of the tray. "Stop being so nervous. Only you can manage making a vampire look clumsy. When Emmett and I were upstairs…" Rose winks crudely, "I heard you smack into something twice within the hour."

Pro about being undead: if I was human I would be blushing for hours after that last comment.

"Yes, I heard something too. Are you alright, sweetie?" Esme wraps a comforting arm around my shoulder and squeezes.

I was about to make up so outlandish lie when a loud crack shot through the house and everyone jumped. We all looked at one another and were about to question when…

"Namaste, Mother Fucker!" sang clear through the air.

The world seemed to spin as I through myself from Esme's grasp and sprinted up the stairs. Yes, vampires can move fast. But at that moment my world had slowed down and everything was blurred. My superior senses were no match for my maternal instinct.

The sight before me was not what was to be expected. Edward on the ground. Clutching his manhood. Renesmee red faced and panting over his body. Mumbling a list of colorful explicates.

"Renesmee?" I whisper. Her eyes dart to me quickly but never long enough to lose sight of her victim. A soft growl rips through her chest. Her first real growl! I feel pride that should not be evident in this moment. "What happened? Edward?" He groans and rolls over to glare at me.

"He tried to come into my room! I was in the middle of my session and his big, bad, black aura just swept in and suffocated my happiness! You know how hard it is for me to relax my heart! It's the only thing that keeps me alive, Mom! I know it doesn't make sense but…he ruined it! Have you never heard of Namaste, Mother fucker?" Renesmee turns her attention back to her father and she snarls, this time more harshly.

"Renesmee! Stop it! Stop it right now, missy! I did not raise you to be this way. Apologize to Edward this moment." Renesmee raised her eyebrows. "Go to your room, Renesmee." She smiles gratefully and turns on her heel. The door slams behind her and a very audible click of the door locking rings through the house.

I hold my hand out to Edward again and he takes it. "You really lost your way with women, Edward, didn't you?"

Edward ruffles his hair and shakes his head, "Only her. You haven't tried to kill me yet."

"Not that you know of, Edward, not that you know of…"

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I lay in my room later that night. Trying desperately to ignore the calls of passion from the other bedrooms. Must be nice…I smile sadly. Why have I been so civil to Edward? I let my mind ponder the situation. I really should be a lot more vicious to him. He did after all leave me to die. But…there's just something that's holding me back. Sure, I'm pissed and would love to get into a brawl with him but…there's still something not quite right about this whole situation. Maybe I am just as much a masochist as he used to be. Maybe I just want to believe it was all a dream. Maybe I want to be in love again…No, that's not it, I assure myself quickly. It's like when you see a car crash on the side of the road and you just have to pause to look at it. My life is the car crash and I spent a very long time looking back at it. Now it's been years since I really reflected on what Edward did. At first I was livid and would have happily staked him if I could. Now…the anger is still there. But there's something else too…

Maybe I'm just getting old.

Maybe I'm just tired of fighting.

Maybe I'm just ready to move on.

Whatever the reason is…I just want something more. Is that wrong?

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**A/N: Updated 1-7-11. **

**I hope you enjoyed the rather hasty update –haha- this chapter almost didn't even make it to 1,000 words but Renesmee wasn't done.**

**Do you think she was wrong?**

**Bella's parenting skills?**

**Questions, comments, concerns?**

**Please Review if you have a moment *small Bella smile***

***Personal update***

**Thanks for your reviews and kind, supporting words for my…er, situation. **

**I have talked to the guy.**

**We're still trying to figure out where to go from here.**

**I call her Nyx. **

**No, I don't know the sex yet. But I like the name Nyx and calling 'it' an 'it' seems so cruel.**

**I'm terrified.**

**My family is not going to react so well to the news.**

**Wish me luck!**


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